I want to stick my p in your. b.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
