I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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