I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
