oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
