As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
