i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
