I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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