I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
