mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Life is so much better after having sex.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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