do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
