I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
