STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
