Whod you bang
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
