I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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