Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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