he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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