I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
