We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
