I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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