my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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