I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
