I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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