he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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