she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
