Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
