please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
