I wish my penis had an off switch
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
