I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
