Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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