He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I want to fling myself into the sun
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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