shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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