um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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