So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
