How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
A bitchslap is in order.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
