All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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