WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pants are for mortals
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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