Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
