Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
