Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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