This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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