dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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