you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
