you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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