Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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