I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so much tequila, so little girl.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
