Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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