Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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