As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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