I have demons in me.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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