god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
