then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
