The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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